


Breath and Heartbeat

by DivineValley



Series: Broken Pieces [4]
Category: Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: Denial, Gen, Grief/Mourning, Minor Character Death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-07
Updated: 2018-03-07
Packaged: 2019-03-28 07:39:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,163
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13899429
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DivineValley/pseuds/DivineValley
Summary: He can feel Creek’s breath against his neck, it’s there, he knows it’s there and Hawke can swear he feels his heartbeat. It doesn’t matter if there’s thick armor between them he can feel the faint beats of his heart. He’s still here, he’s still here and Hawke will wait until help comes for them, he’ll wait with his arms wrapped tightly around the other’s limp body as help arrives.





	Breath and Heartbeat

**Author's Note:**

> These are two chapters from a previous story of mine but I thought it'd be a good stand-alone story that focuses on Hawke's past!

There is pain, raw burning pain that envelopes his entire body when everything goes white. Their first battle, their very first encounter with the enemy, the fear, and excitement of it all is wiped away there’s only pain now. 

It’s the worst in his eyes. 

Hawke feels a body crash into his own, he knows who it is, it’s Creek who screamed out to him. Creek who pushed him to the ground as a bomb goes off a distance away. Creek his closest vod, his best friend, his…the person he promised to see the galaxy with was dead weight on top of him now. 

No. 

No not dead weight, no he can feel Creek’s breath against his neck, it’s there, he knows it’s there and Hawke can swear he feels his heartbeat. It doesn’t matter if there’s thick armor between them he can feel the faint beats of his heart. He’s still here, he’s still here and Hawke will wait until help comes for them, he’ll wait with his arms wrapped tightly around the other’s limp body as help arrives. 

Help will come. It will.

Hawke can’t open his eyes, they hurt so bad but he doesn’t focus on the pain he focuses on keeping a clear mind as he speaks to Creek hoping he’d just wake up and talk back.

“They’ll find us…they’ll find us. Evans…or Minx or Fee, they’ll find us. It’ll be fine.” He repeats these words over and over until his mouth is dry, he weakly moves his hands up and can feel the back of creek’s helmet is damaged, his helmet with the bright green stripes…they’ll get him a new one and they’ll repaint it together. They’ll make it just as ugly as the last one just the way Creek would love it. He’ll smile wide and proud show it off to the troops ignoring any comment that may be an insult. 

He ignores how stiff Creek has become in his arms. There’s still breath on his skin and a heartbeat. He can hear it. He can feel it. They’ll be fine.

When heavy footsteps approach Hawke almost doesn’t have the energy to scream but he does. He calls for help and he can hear others running toward them, other clones, brothers that have come to help them! It’s okay, it’s okay! They’re safe! Hawke hears a gasp and it halts his excitement for a moment, he does all he can to raise his head and try to open his eyes.

“Please, help him…help him. He’s hurt, he’s hurt…he hasn’t woke up yet, please help him.” He begs the other desperately when he feels Creek’s weight slowly lifted off of him.

“I…I’m sorry, he’s not…he’s gone.” 

No. No that’s not…it’s not right, that’s not right. 

“He’s breathing, he’s been breathing I’ve felt him breathing! Check! Check him, he’s breathing! Feel his chest! He has a heartbeat! He has one! I can feel it!” Hawke commands his body to sit up and move toward wherever Creek is, this idiot has no idea what he’s saying! Hands grip his shoulders forcing him down, he’s told not to move but he struggles even harder. “ **HE’S ALIVE! HE’S ALIVE! CREEK! CREEK WAKE UP! CREEK PLEASE! SHOW HIM!** ” His tears burn in a way he’s never felt before, it’s like…Gods they hurt, it’s as if lava were running down his cheeks.

“Vod’ika…please he’s gone. He’s gone, there’s no…the back of his head is…” The older clone isn’t able to finish his words his grip on Hawke never lessens. “We need a medic here! I’ve found injured!” He screams and more rushed footsteps approach. There’s a medic now he can feel him checking Hawke over but he slaps his hands away in anger, why were they ignoring Creek?!

“Don’t focus on me! Creek needs you more! Creek needs help! HELP HIM!”

He’s ignored and he feels something injected into his neck most likely a sedative to get him to calm down. Hawke can already feel the drugs making his body heavier he can hardly move now and a haze washes over his mind.

“…Creek…you don’t understand…you don’t…”

He could feel his warm week breath against his skin and the gentle beat of his heart against his own. Just as he did when they were children who clung to one another in a single sleeping pod. It was there, it had to be.

______

He’s brought back to the medical ward, his wounds treated to the best of the medics abilities, there’s no saving his eyes but that doesn’t matter, what matters is Creek’s survival. What matters is him reuniting with his brothers and making sure they’re okay. He demands answers, he slaps away any hands that try to touch him as he asks about them but he’s given nothing, not a single damn thing. Hawke is trapped to this bed suffering as he waits for any word on those he loves. When he hears footsteps approach his bed his heart skips a beat hoping it was maybe one of them but the voice that speaks…it’s not one of the voices he so desperately wants to hear but he recognizes who it is. The soldier who found him.

“Glad to see…you’re doing better. They said your name is Hawke. My name is Steady.”

“Where’s Creek?” He’s in no mood for small talk, he’s had enough of this bullshit he just wants to know where the hell his best friend is! It’s all he wants why can’t they just give him that bit of information?! He can hear the other, this Steady take in a long breath and Hawke can’t describe the way his stomach twisted. “…Where…where is he? Where is my brother? Tell me. ” Voice cracking his hands started to tremble as he twisted his blanket feeling stitches start to come apart.

“I’m so sorry…Creek is gone. When you were found the damage done to him it…it was just…”

“What damage?! He was breathing, I told you! I told you he was breathing! You wouldn’t believe me! You wouldn’t listen to me and if he died because of you-”

“The back of his head was blown wide open by the explosion. He was dead Hawke…he was dead for hours.”

No. No, no it was a lie. It was all lies! He couldn’t keep himself composed as a cry escaped him, the blanket is tearing apart it’s almost felt like his own mind was doing the same. “Minx…does Minx know? Evans? Fee? Oh, Gods Fee is going to be…where are they? Please, please tell me where they are.” He was met by silence and for a brief moment, Hawke was sure Steady had walked away from him. “Do you know or don’t you?! Tell me…tell me where they are!” He lunges forward trying to grab onto the other clone, he wants…he doesn’t know what he wants! To shake him? To punch him until he talked? He felt like he was losing his Goddamned mind!

He feels the grip of strong hands grabbing onto his arms and once again he’s helpless unable to fight back. He was useless, he couldn’t do anything! He couldn’t fucking see and he was trapped and all he could do was beg and scream for answers that he honestly knew already. 

They’re gone. They’re all gone and he was all that was left.

“Why, why did you…why did you save me? Why didn’t you just let me die?! WHY?!” Steady’s grip slackens for just a moment and Hawke uses this to his advantage. His hands shoot outward and he’s gripping either side of the man’s face. He wondered what his expression was right now.

Pity? Sympathy? Maybe he felt nothing at all toward this shiny who was so clearly so broken he was beyond repair.

Alone and broken. That’s what Hawke was now.

“Do you know what’s going to happen to me now?! DO YOU?! I’ll be sent back to Kamino! I’m going to die anyway! Why couldn’t you have let me die with him?! Did you think you were saving me?! "

Why doesn’t he fight back? Hawke’s nails dig into Steady’s skull’s he’s sure that he’s broken the skin but he’s not being stopped. Why? The commotion he’s made causes a medic to rush over and he’s sedated yet again sending him into unconsciousness. His dreams are dark and cold he knows his future will be the same. When Hawke wakes Steady is no longer there a medic has been placed at his side to make sure he has no further outbursts. They probably think he’s insane and maybe just maybe is.

He learns the medic is named Poke that he also happens to be a tattoo artist, Hawke makes a quiet request for a tattoo to be done, he wants it before his end comes. The names of the lost carved into his inner forearm to show that they will be remembered that they are eternal in his heart, it’s a brief comfort to him while he waits for it all to end. He’s given a rare moment of privacy when someone clears their throat and he knows it’s him, it’s Steady.

“I’m sorry for the way I behaved before. I wasn’t in my right mind, that’s an understatement I know…haha…a pretty big one. Did…did I hurt you?”

“No, no you didn’t.” Steady’s voice is soft, gentle, it reminds him of the tone Minx would use when comforting them from nightmares or when they’d talk about their worries. The voice of an older brother doing all he can to assure his younger sibling. “You got yourself some tattoos.” Hawke nods moving his arm so the other can read the names, he wondered how they looked, he was able to feel the letters trace them on his skin he was sure they were done beautifully he at least hoped so. 

“It’s…I know it’s stupid to have this done. I can’t see them and soon I’ll be-I won’t be here. But I wanted to, I just wanted to remember them. Like the saying goes, though you’re gone I will remember you and so you shall be eternal. But who’s…who will…” Who will remember him? “I’m scared. I’m so scared. I don’t want to die, I don’t want to die alone.” He’s crying now, he’s crying and he can’t stop and he doesn’t expect warm arms to surround him as he’s pulled into a hug that he so desperately needed. So he clings onto to Steady sobbing into his chest ignoring the pain in his eyes.

Steady visits him every day for the next week, mostly small talk is passed between them, they exchange stories and learn little things about one another. Steady is a quartermaster so that’s interesting to discover, he’s genuinely curious about it and wishes he could learn more. What does a quartermaster do? He’s a Sargeant too? Hawke actually panics over not addressing him as sir but Steady simply tells him his name is fine and…though Hawke cannot see his face he can almost picture a smile on his face just by his tone of voice. One morning he’s suddenly told he was being put on a ship out of here. There’s no chance for farewells it makes his heartache, he couldn’t even say a goodbye to the last person he felt connected to. He’s escorted onto the craft sat down and he expects his destination to be Kaminos where he was born and would soon be destroyed. 

Hawke is tense the entire trip he doesn’t want to accept this, he wants to fight it or maybe at least go down in a fight when they land his body goes stiff he can feel his heart stutter inside his chest when the doors open. He expects to hear the uncomfortably calm voice of a Kamonian telling him his journey had come to an end instead it’s the voice of a brother who greets him.

“CT-9157, Hawke, correct?” He sounds like someone of authority and all he could do was dumbly nod his head. “When I address one of my new crew members I expect a verbal answer soldier.”

Crew member? What in the world? “Uhm, sorry sir I…I’m afraid I don’t understand, isn’t this Kamino?” He asks and he can hear a faint chuckle from him as he’s pulled up onto his feet.

“ I am your new superior officer, I’m called Sten, you call me sir. Officially yes…you are on your way to Kamino but will be announced DOA.”

Dead on arrival? He still doesn’t understand even as he’s helped to his feet and guided off the ship.

“Welcome to The Speck kid you were just given something very few clones are allowed in this life.”

“…And what’s that sir?”

“Mercy, kid. This is a mercy.”

**Author's Note:**

> The mentioned quartermaster Steady belongs to batdad! Check out all her stories because they're super amazing and make me emotional!


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